The fact that you have found your way here is probably because you are thinking on starting a recovery, are well in recover, or is recovered.
My family, my past, and my wish list have always been my inspiration for recovery, and I know you will find yours too!
Whatever chapter in your book you may be, to share my story with you is something I appreciate GREATLY.
Before ED:
I was born with a twin sister into a lovely Chinese family, with a father who works hard for the house, and mother who raises her daughters with handfuls of love.
Growing up, I was always the chubby kid.
When other kids were being picky and eating their first plate of food, I was already well into devouring my third.
It was all natural for me, of course, as our family is well known among friends to enjoy food, and have a tendency of eating huge meals.
The problem was my sister had inherited my mother's side of the 'skinny' gene and me my father's, who's family has a long history of obesity.
Therefore, while we all had two burgers and chips for dinner, my twin could wake up the next day without gaining a pound, though the different story for me.
While being compared of height, school grades and personalities, the fact that I was becoming more and more obese than my sister became something common in the family and with my friends, and suffering multiple suggestions of weight loss became a must for me every time we were standing together.
Despite all these pressures however, I was a happy, carefree child who loved her food and wouldn't put down her bowl of rice for nothin'!
The year I turned 14, however, changed everything.
As I moved into a new school, new country and started boarding for the first time, I experienced heaps of anxiety that I have never had before.
My school grades started dropping tremendously, and my weight upped to 64kgs, the brink of obesity.
Once again I was offered the suggestion of weight loss from my parents and collegues.....
SO I decided to accept those suggestions and started losing weight!
Starting with a few hours of running every week while eating a healthy amount, I gradually lost 3kgs in one month.
But I wasn't satisfied.
That's when ED started to kick in.
Dropping into the rabbit hole of Anorexia Nervosa:
I restricted myself to 800 or less calories a day on only vegetables and fruit.
On the same time, exercising 1000cals 5 days a week, and up to 800cals on weekdays. My weight dropped DRAMATICALLY.
I experienced periods of dizziness, blackouts, headaches and sharp aching pangs in the heart.
But as I was crippling with pain, ED always drove me back on my sports shoes, and I would be running again.
My period never came. ( yes, NEVER came. As in never came BEFORE.) I wasn't concerned either.
There was a sweet sweet period of time when all my family and friends would acknowledge me for how 'slim' I was, pat me on the back, and cheer me on greatly on my 'healthy decisions' and 'good exercise'.
At the month of my second month in ED, things however, went severely wrong.
My bones, for a start, starting sticking out. Ribcages, sharp sharp shoulder blades, pelvic bones, even the bones on my neck stuck out like the backs of a dinosaur.
Something that had never happened before.
I couldn't see it, however, but instead took in all the feedback my friends and family had started to throw upon me
'TOO SKINNY' 'BONY' 'SICK-LIKE'
Confused and frustrated, I would run away my anxiety, the feeling of sweat on my face re-assuring me they were saying that 'only because they were too lazy to make a change for themselves'
However the fainting and heart pains worsened.
My weight became a merry-go-round spinning off the track, dropping from 48kgs to 43 in merely 3 days.
Shakily, I started to accept the help my family and friends gave, and stepped up the stage to recovery ;)
Now I'm receiving advice from many people from many friendly blogs. They have inspired me greatly.
I hope one day my recovery will inspire a lost someone too.
.JPG)
0 comments:
Post a Comment